i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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