So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
