New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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