I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
