So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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