The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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