I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
