My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
