Soap is not a condiment
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
