im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
why is half of my head shaved?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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