DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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