the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
