Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
