Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
