Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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