Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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