haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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