thus making me awesome and them whores
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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