omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
