dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
