I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i think i have herpe
just one?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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