you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
being pregnant is like rehab
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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