his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I lost the right to judge tonight
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
