so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
