She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
