I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
