Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Why is your signature on my underwear?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
