I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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