Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize