The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
