Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
