You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
