NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
