thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
