He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
