11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Houston, we have a blender
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
