There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
