OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize