About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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