she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
