just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
