When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
