and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
