I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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