Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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