I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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