Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
