he wants to bone in the snuggie
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
this is an emotional support booty call
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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