if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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