why didn't you poke me back
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
