we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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