She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize