she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
