Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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