dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
