11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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