Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
