What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
