I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
