I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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