And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
