God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
