So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
