Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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