hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
no more duck duck goose at the bar
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
