I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
