Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
