yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
