Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
