I wish I could punch you in the face.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
