I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
