We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
