someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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