I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
