I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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