Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
