im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
