My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
