How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
