I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think a kid would responsible me up
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
