remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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